This poem is part of the Medical Humanities vertical on Op-Med, which showcases creative writing by Doximity members. Do you have a poem, work of lyric prose, or flash fiction piece related to medicine that you’d like to share with the community? Send it to us here.
How CPAP Saved Christmas
‘Twas months before Christmas, Santa feeling so tired.
Couldn’t manage the elves, they all wanted him fired.
He couldn’t lose weight since Christmas of yore …
He’d grown heavy and sleepy.
And wow — did he snore!
Now weeks before Christmas and throughout the North Pole,
Santa’s snoring was horrid — ‘twas taking its toll.
The elves were affected, toys hither and yon.
Couldn’t work, couldn’t sleep.
They all wanted him gone.
Even reindeer were mad.
Rudolph pulled over while flying.
Though he’d been just a victim
Of nasal profiling.
The elves went on strike,
The workplace was hell.
Their boss grouchy and tired,
And never slept well.
Yes children, Santa never got sleep
Though he did try his best.
He struggled with CPAP and never got rest.
His blood pressure rose, he thought he might die.
His ankles were swollen.
His sugars were high.
“Not my fault!” he protested.
“My beard’s fluffy and white.
My full mask leaks badly
Despite straps pulled so tight.”
His PCP had the answer —
“GLP-1 meds have my vote!”
But Santa’s glee vanished
‘midst nausea and bloat.
“I’m snoring and sleepy,” Santa said without cheer.
“Christmas just will not happen … at least not this year.
Can’t fit down chimneys, toys all way past due.
HR is not happy.
All those parents will sue.”
Then out in the snow,
There arose such a clatter.
His doctor sprang from his Jaguar and cried, “What’s the matter?”
The sleep doc arrived, his voice tight with worry,
“Whatever we do, we’ve all got to hurry.
Can’t shave your beard, that would ruin the look.
Then he jumped up and cried, “Nasal pillows would work!”
In a twinkling he had it.
Santa’s prayers had been heard.
All hope was not lost …
Santa still was insured!
Saint Nick strapped it on.
The pillows did fit so well.
“No snoring! No gasping!
No waking feeling like hell!”
Hypoxic burden was better,
REM sleep on rebound.
He felt more well-rested,
He dropped several pounds.
His eyes how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his mood not so scary!
He sprang to his sleigh, the reindeer all trottin!’
Even Rudolph felt better, his lawsuit forgotten.
So Christmas was saved, Santa wouldn’t be late.
He’d listen to doctors, he swore he’d lose weight.
And I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,
HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL,
AND WEAR YOUR CPAP TONIGHT!
An Interview with the Author
What was your inspiration? Did other creative works influence your creation of this piece?
My inspiration was simply a desire to avoid taking myself too seriously, while still offering a relevant work detailing the experiences of a sleep physician. Besides this, I have always enjoyed and have been inspired by the mood of the holiday season, and wished to contribute to that seasonal enjoyment.
How long have you been writing creatively? What got you started?
I have been writing creatively for at least 15 years. My writing sprang from a need to distract from the rigors and stress of a clinical critical care and pulmonary practice, followed by a need to find a therapeutic escape from the grief over losing a son. As control over personal and professional stresses increased, I found that creating my own stories through creative writing allowed me control over fictional worlds and characters, which helped give me perspective. Finally, as mentioned, I have always tried not to take myself too seriously, while taking my role as a physician responsible for the health of patients very seriously. This poem as well as my published novels have helped maintain that humbling perspective.
Why did you choose this medium? What interests you about it?
Poems can offer lightheartedness more than direct lectures or prose, if written accordingly. My main thrust in writing this was to entertain and join in with the general uplifting mood of the holiday season. Especially when satirizing such a well-known poem, ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas, I felt such a medium would capture the holiday mood while still hopefully offering some insight into the clinical experience of a sleep physician.
How does this submission relate to your medical practice?
The poem is a light take on many of the actual patient difficulties I have faced over the years, as well as serving as an update on the most recent developments in sleep medicine. Precautions of adverse actions I have encountered and solutions to patient problems are included in a lighthearted holiday theme. Many of these clinical problems are very common but solutions fail to connect with clinicians if addressed in a dry lecture modality. The poem is intended to bring forth advice gleaned from clinical experience in what is hopefully an entertaining and lighthearted vehicle.
How do you get your patients to wear their CPAP machines? Share in the comments!
Scott Eveloff, MD is a pulmonary physician with 30 years of experience in treating seriously ill patients. He has appeared on The Dr. Oz Show, ABC’s 20/20, and Inside Edition. His insider’s knowledge of how there are as many ways to harm patients in today’s hospitals as there are to heal them prompted his debut novel “Do Not Resuscitate.” Dr. Eveloff is enjoying retirement, resuscitating plot lines instead of patients, with his supportive physician wife. He remains motivated by his late son Andrew, whose boundless enthusiasm lives forever like the characters he inspired. Dr. Eveloff is a 2025–2026 Doximity Op-Med Fellow.
Collage by Honyojima / Shutterstock
