Twitter physicians took up a fun challenge from a fellow tweeter: anger an entire specialty in one sentence.
Alright #medtwitter, I want to know how you could you piss off your ENTIRE specialty in 1 sentence? https://t.co/rjjGSaTs6T
— Dr. Glaucomflecken (@DGlaucomflecken) April 25, 2018
Once the gauntlet was thrown down, the provoking commenced. If you were to walk up to a podium at a major medical conference, what would you say and how would the crowd react? What ensued were hilarious scenarios across specialties.
Read through our favorites below.
(Walks up to podium at major ophthalmology conference)
— Dr. Glaucomflecken (@DGlaucomflecken) April 25, 2018
(Taps mic)
Me: The eyes are NOT the window to the soul
(Deafening cacophony of boos and jeers)
(Ophthalmoscope whizzes by my head)
(Walks up to podium at major surgery conference)
— Mike Arnold (@MikeArnoldMD) April 26, 2018
(Taps mic)
Me: Antibiotics are superior for the treatment of appendicitis.
(Violence ensues)
(Walks up to podium at major Emergency Medicine conference)
— GruntDoc (@gruntdoc) April 26, 2018
(Taps mic)
Me: Really we’re all just glorified Family Practitioners with a CT scanner.
(Beaten to death with personally owned handheld sono probes)
(Walks up to podium at major paediatrics conference)
— A. (@occamrazr) April 26, 2018
(Taps mic)
Me: Children are like miniature adults
(Multiple sighs of exasperation)
(Squeaky toy whizzes past my ear)
(Walks up to podium at Emergency medicine conference)
— Brian Savino, MD (@EMSavvy) April 26, 2018
(Taps mic)
Me: GCS less than 8? Give it a minute and see what happens.
(Succinylcholine dart to neck)
(Walks up to podium at major forensic pathology conference)
— Meredith Reynolds (@pathologiste08) April 26, 2018
(Taps mic)
Me: Autopsy is irrelevant now that we have more sophisticated imaging techniques.
(Deafening cacophony of boos and jeers)
(Rib cutters whizz by my head)
(Walks up to podium at major internal medicine conference)
— ChiarablueMD (@KeriCrewsonMD) April 26, 2018
(Taps mic)
Me: Surgical patients should be managed before and after by the surgical service alone. They can manage bp & DM2 as well.
(Sounds of gasping and choking on coffee)
(A sea of black pens whiz by my head)
(Walks up to podium at major surgery conference)
— Luke V. Selby, MD MS (@LVSelbs) April 26, 2018
(Taps mic)
Me: Maybe EVERYTHING isn’t Anesthesia’s fault.
(Resulting comments not printable)
(Finds out that left anterolateral thoracotomy really IS the fastest way to a man’s heart)
(Walks up to podium at major Cardiology conference)
— Sravya Chirumamilla (@dr_chirumamilla) April 26, 2018
(Taps mic)
Me: I'm really glad the ER got a Troponin.
(Deafening silence)
(ECG calipers strikes me in the right ventricle)
(Walks up to podium at Primary Care conference)
— Chloe Georgia, M.D. (@ChloeGeorgiaMD) April 26, 2018
(Taps mic)
Me: Prior Auth's are just the Insurance companies looking out for the patients' best interests.
(Deafening cacophony of boos and jeers)
(Someone tears up my Epic Super User badge & murders me on stage)
(Walks up to podium at major anesthesiology conference)
— Nasir Khatri (@wolfpackMD) April 25, 2018
(Taps mic)
Me: there will be no breaks at this conference
(Deafening cacophony of boos and jeers)
(Someone shoots a propofol dart at my neck)
(Walks up to podium at major dermatology conference)
— David Harker, MD (@HarkerDavid) April 26, 2018
(Taps mic)
"You all look like you could use more sun."
(Gets chased outside by an unruly crowd wielding sunbrellas)
(Walks up to podium at major Trauma Surgery conference)
— Joshua Hazelton (@drjphazelton) April 26, 2018
(Taps mic)
Me: So it turns out that normal saline IS better than blood for hemorrhagic shock. Once again...saline...not blood.
(Deafening cacophony of boos and jeers)
(Someone tries to place a tourniquet around my neck) https://t.co/BuOzP0ICvq
(Walks up to podium at major Orthopedics conference)
— Naan Derthaal (@NaanDerthaal) April 26, 2018
(Taps mic)
Me: We should only consult medicine on patients who are really sick. We can manage blood pressure and even diabetes.
(Deafening cacophony of boos and jeers)
(Multiple mallets and a drill whiz by my head)
(Walks up to podium at major physical therapy conference)
— Lauren Higgins, DPT (@laurenjoy23) April 26, 2018
(Taps mic)
“Prolonged bed rest leads to better long-term patient outcomes”
(Loud boos and jeering)
(Ducks as walkers and crutches are thrown at me) https://t.co/eIBLGQUfOx
Walks up to podium at surgical pathology conference (taps the mic)
— Lorna Cottrell (@cottrell_lorna) April 26, 2018
-Anyone else wish they were normal enough to be a real doctor?
Dragged off stage and drowned in 10% neutral buffered formalin
(Walks up to podium at major psychiatry conference)
— Push_in_epi (@LawnerBen) April 26, 2018
(Taps mic)
Me: Labs have no role in the medical clearance of psych patients.
(Collective gasping and sounds of frantic scribbling)
(Orders for blood counts and Tox screens fly past my ear)
(Walks up to podium at major med student conference)
— Jess Bryce (@jessiebryce) April 26, 2018
(Taps mic)
Me: Maybe medical students actually are always in the way
(Deafening cacophony of boos and jeers)
(Gets hit in head with textbook of Kreb’s cycle)
(Walks up to podium at Cardiology conference)
— Sayra Khandekar MD (@SayraKhandekar) April 26, 2018
(Taps mic)
Me: Maybe diastole is actually systole.
(Strangled by stethoscope tubing)
(Walks up to podium at a major pediatrics conference)
— Sean Frey, MD (@SeanFreyMD) April 26, 2018
Time for your listening ears! If you behave for the next 15 minutes, you can have a sticker on the way out.
(Silence)
Nice work - knew you could do it! Oh, and you all need 4 shots today.
(Chairs thrown)
(Walks up to podium to give MS2 lecture)
— Natalie Wall (@nataliemwall) April 26, 2018
(Taps mic)
Me: None of what I'm about to teach you will be on Step 1.
(Deafening cacophony of boos and jeers)
(USMLE First Aid whizzes by my head)
(Walks up to podium at trauma conference)
— Sandra M Larson (@TraumaLarson) April 26, 2018
(Taps mic)
Me: Bleeding patients need more IV fluids.
(Deafening cacophony of boos and jeers)
(Gets stabbed by trauma shears)
(Walks up to podium at major rural medicine conference)
— Shez Kassam (@ShezKassam) April 26, 2018
(Taps mic)
Me: Maybe rural communities don't need anymore resources or physicians
(Deafening cacophony of boos and jeers)
(Tractor whizzes past my head)
(Walks up to podium at major family medicine conference)
— David Puls (@DrPuls) April 26, 2018
(Taps mic)
Me: “Everybody knows we chose primary care because we weren’t smart enough to specialize”
(Baby cries, toddler giggles, teen rolls eye, parents shout, grandpa sighs)
(EHR whizzes by head)
